The Yard House
On any given night, the Yard House has enough customers to keep the staff busy and the tables, booths and stools at the bar full. Dimly let with catchy pop music playing overhead through the stereo system controlled by the bartenders, people gather here for Happy Hour, dinner and meetings.
This bar and restaurant is attached to the Colorado Mills mall which makes it a convenient location for shoppers who need to refuel from their spending spree either at the Mills or across the street at Denver West. It’s also centrally located to many businesses and hotels in the area, including Stevinson Toyota, Best Buy, The Days Inn and Holiday Inn. It’s easily accessible from I-70 and 6th Avenue, which are major highways that run through the area.
The American Fusion menu has plenty of items to satisfy any customer, ranging from Lettuce Wraps and Grilled Korean BBQ appetizers to steak and pasta entrees and enough dessert options to cure any sweet tooth. There are 130 operating beer tap handles at the bar where customers can order their favorite beer in a pint, half yard or yard size around the oval bar. Strategically placed TVs display sports games, the news or an adventure sports channel featuring outrageous, daredevil stunts performed in kayaks, mountain bikes, dirt bikes or any other alternative sport where the participants are gutsy enough to endanger their lives. The owner of the company residing in Long Beach, CA who has over 10,000 personally selected songs on his computer for the bar picks the music.
Sitting next to me at the bar is what you could consider a “regular”. He’s talking to the bartender as if they’re old friends-discussing work issues, the baseball game on TV and weekend plans. The regular is by himself with his beer, catching the scores on the sports channel while eyeing the girls that walk and find their place on a stool nearby. One the other side of me sits a couple chatting over glasses of wine. They don’t seem comfortable enough with each other to qualify as a long-term couple. First date? Possibly. A group of middle-aged men who could be car salesman at the car dealership down the street, sit at the end of the oval bar overpowering the place with their laughter and loud conversation.
Quincy Donaldson, a server trainer, tells me that middle-aged men are the Yard House’s typical clients. Because of the large selection of beer on tap-115 labels, the sports-like atmosphere and the stainless steel and wood décor are the reasons for the highly charged testosterone crowd. And on Wednesday night, I am feeling like the minority, which I didn’t expect. This could be the reason the bartender is all smiles and putting out the welcome mat for my friend Jill and me. Donaldson says the busiest nights for the Yard House are Fridays when people swarm in after work for Happy Hour, “It’s crazy all night long until 2 a.m.”
“We have great music and we want it to be upbeat and fun,” Donaldson says. “We want to make our customers as happy as possible and make sure they get what they want when they come here.”
Relational Aggression
With the recent press of girl fights on the news, my thoughts were focused on how violent girls are getting with each other.
Relational aggression is the "silent and emotional" damage girls already inflict on one another, but now they are throwing fists as common as a handshake.
In the book, "See Jane Hit: Why Girls Are Growing More Violent and What We Can Do About It", by James Garbarino, he views girls in general are evidencing a new assertiveness and physicality in their participation in sports, open sensuality & enjoyment of “normal” aggression that boys have long enjoyed. He says the good news of liberation and the bad news of increased aggression is the New American Girl. Compared to other societies, American women are liberated, but how does this affect young girls?
“The result has been the unleasing of girls from the oppression of the old patriarchal values and social structures and the corresponding blossoming of opportunities of all kinds,” Garbarino says, which leads to mixed messages in American society.
According to the U.S. Dept. of Justice, 25 years ago, for every 10 arrested for assault, there was only one girl. Now there are only four boys arrested for each girl arrested. Garbarino believes that because at the same time that girls are being liberated from many of the constraints of rigid and oppressive sexual stereotypes, they have been confronting an ever more toxic social environment. It seems that young girls are confused with the many mixed messages thrown around by society. On one hand, they are being taught to stand up for themselves, fight back and being pushed to keep up with the boys on the sports field. On the other hand, there are still messages of “play nice, be quiet, wear pink and don’t be assertive.”
Garbarino also belives that young children (boys and girls) start out being equally aggressive, but over time their behaviors take separate paths. Boys remain (for the most part) physically aggressive, while girls develop more social competence and don’t need physical aggression to get their way. Girls have been told it’s not feminine to hit, therefore they hone their emotional, verbal and passive way of dealing with certain issues or conflicts, which leads into adolescent RA behavior-using words and manipulating feelings.
I believe parents and teachers need to open and more aware/involved in the behavior displayed at school and at home, addressing inappropriate actions and rewarding good ones.
There are some programs already in the works for girls that address relational aggression and physical violence among their peers. The Ophelia Project has a relationship camp for girls, along with clubs, classes and pamphlets about healthy peer friendships. Friend to Friend is a school-based group for African American girls in Philadelphia that promotes healthy peer friendships and gives girls an outlet for the stress that occurs in school on a daily basis.
MySpace & negative attention
A month ago, "Newsweek" displayed MySpace on the front cover of their magazine. This Internet site designed for people around the world to connect, chat, share pictures, music, videos and drama has been getting major attention lately.
Last week on the local news they featured a clip of a girl getting beaten up by her friends as bystanders looked on. The fight was recorded on one of the teenagers phones. This is the second story of a fight (between girls) broadcast on MySpace within the last few months.
There have also been students suspended from school for the messages and/or photos they post on their MySpace profile. Specifically, bomb threats, "hit lists" and questionable photos (to name a few).
MySpace currently has over 74 million members worldwide. It's a breeding ground for gossip and trouble, especially for teens. Children under the age of 16 are not allowed to sign up for the free membership. Many of them lie about their age just to become members. I believe that teens are not fully aware of the dangers they place themselves in when signing up for such services where all of your information can be potentially leaked to millions of people, including those members that may be scouting for easy prey.
It's easy to be consumed with Internet sites such as MySpace and just as easy to forget just how many people can view their a profile.
MySpace may look innocent from the outside, but anyone can find you. All it takes is a name, e-mail address or the name of a high school, college or university that you are currently attending or have attended in the past. From there, the doors are wide open!
First impressions
On the way to my internship the last week, I was at a stop light where a man claiming to be supporting a family and was displaced because of Hurrican Katrina. His sign said he was trying to gather enough money to get back home to Louisiana.
Since I was a few cars back from the stop light, I didn't think I would have that uncomfortable situation of not rolling down my window all the way and opening my nearly empty wallet in an attempt to help him.
I thought wrong. This guy worked the crowd of cars, approaching each one with a greeting of "Hey brother, can you help me out?" or "How is your day so far?" When he rounded the car in front of me and made his way in my direction, he asked, "Hey sweetheart, are you going to help me out?" I shook my head no and said I couldn't and that I was sorry. "Fuck you, you uptight bitch," was his reply. Pretty offensive language for 9:30 in the morning, especially coming from a guy who was begging for money from strangers.
First impressions can bite you in the rear. Yes, it appeared that I had everything going for me. I was in a part of town where there are a lot of office buildings and people strolling from their cars on the way to a well-paid, professional job. I drive a decent car (no rust, no loud muffler) and was dressed in what you could consider classy, business-type clothes. My hair was neat and I was wearing make-up, an appearance I need to keep up in order for my internship to accept me back week after week. What he didn't know is that I am a college student who can barely afford the gas in my car, groceries on my table and that I am working for free every week at this internship. I am unemployed as well, only babysitting here and there for pocket change to help pay my bills.
My sympathy for his situation flew right out the window as soon as I heard his response to me not handing him the remaining $3 in my wallet (that I would later need for parking money on campus). There was no time to explain my situation to him and offer reasons to why I just couldn't help him out. And I'm not sure I wanted to hear his story either of why he chose to stand on a busy corner and harass people on their way to work, using offensive language with those he didn't know and will never see again.
When the light turned green, I passed him giving him a polite wave as if to say "I wasn't judging you. Have a good day," hoping that he would understand and possibly think twice about yelling at the people in the next round of cars stopped at the light that possibly couldn't help him out either.
Starved for attention?
A few months ago I was strolling down the hall at school and stopped to take a look at the bulletin board. I'm always amused at the fliers that people post and since it was 10 p.m., I could stand there as long as I wanted without looking like that freak that can't get enough of the bulletin board information.
I was about to leave when out of the corner of my eye I noticed a flier that said "Girlfriend Wanted". I had to look again. Yes, that's what it said. Now I HAD to read this! This guy gave a description of himself (a student, tired of the bar scene, blind dates, etc.) who thought he would give it a shot with a flier. Laughing in disbelief and from reading a hysterically, but well written note, I write down his e-mail so I can send him a thank-you note for ending my rough day at school with a chuckle.
I'm not sure why he felt compelled to post a "Wanted Girlfriend" flier at school, or why I felt compelled to copy his e-mail and write him. At that time, were we both starved for some sort of attention? Or would this turn into an experiment in modern socializing?
It got me thinking about how impersonal our lives are. We can hide behind computers and cell phones at school, cubicles at work and separate porches at our apartments and homes and never truly interact with people on a daily basis. I can talk to people throughout the day, but how many do I actually have a meaningful conversation with?
Dating today is a different breed of socializing. Singles now have the option of "8 Minute Dating", a program set up so a person can have eight dates for eight minutes each in one sitting. There are numerous online dating programs designed for singles to meet other singles, without ever meeting in person.
With advancements of technology and the increasing scurry of our lives, there are moments I wish it would go back to the days where kids walked home from school with their parents, waving to the neighbors and strolling across the lawn to catch up on their lives. I wish there was one day on campus that cell phones were not allowed, so students had to interact with each other, not the person on the other end of the call. What happened to chivalry? What happened to making friends in class, not on the internet? We can't get anyone's attention long enough to establish quality conversation.
It turns out that I wrote that guy a note, telling him how much I appreciate his amusing efforts in finding a girlfriend. We've had some crazy conversations and a few fantastic laughs, too bad we met over a flier instead of speaking to each other in the computer lab where we have crossed paths on more than one occasion.
The kindness of strangers
Parking downtown is a hassle. I hate driving through traffic, trying to pay attention to pedestrians, open parking meters, stoplights that turn red when I'm two feet from the intersection and mapping out my destination in my head in relavance to where I currently am on the street.
When I finally find that "golden" parking space in front of the business I am going to, it's such a relief, but also an inconvienence knowing that every two hours I must run outside and feed the meter with my remaining laundry money. So the other day I had a hair appointment on Market Street, where I found a parking spot right in front of the doors, knowing that if I needed to extend the minutes on my meter I could run out the door and do so. On this particular day, I was immersed in tinfoil and not presentable to step foot in public, so I decided to suffer the consequences of my expired meter and settle for a ticket. I only had about 30 minutes left at the salon and about 20 minutes left on my meter. "Who's going to notice 10 minutes anyway?"
My 30 minute projected salon time turned into another hour, which made my parking time expire 40 minutes by the time I got to my car. When I reached my parking spot, I noticed there was no ticket. Glancing at the parking meter, someone had filled it, obviously seeing that my time had run out. None of my friends knew I was there, so they wouldn't be conveinently passing by my car and filling the meter with quarters. As I got in my car to leave, I was touched and suprised that a stranger had filled my meter, just because they wanted to. What was the benefit for them? They weren't going to get a thank-you note, they left no information or a Post It telling me they filled my meter. There's no instant gratification for them except knowing that they saved someone from the "parking police".
The rest of my day was spent thinking that if each of us did one kind thing every day for someone we don't know, it would change the course of everyone's day--from a smile in passing, offering change at the cash register when they're digging in their pocket or purse for that last nickel, holding the door to a business or elevator or preventing a parking ticket.
Celestial Massage
Janey Bell is a certified and licensed massage therapist rejuvenating her clients at Celestial Massage, a small business located in Denver. Having finished the 670-hour certification program from the Colorado School of Healing Arts in Lakewood, she now spends her time helping others find a balance in their lives through massage therapy. Bell was a former lawyer who decided it was too much stress saying, “I’ve always wanted to help others. Massage was and is a way to reduce others’ stress, as well as my own.”
Bell has found serenity in her new career and seeing her clients benefit from their sessions only reinforces her decision of the new path she’s taken. “Reduction of stress is one of the main benefits for me,” she says. “I also get an opportunity to serve others in a nurturing, yet therapeutic way; reduce their stress, help with chronic pain and conditions and help them get to a more balanced state.”
Her typical clients come from all walks of life. Bell creates a custom massage for each client varying the pressure, intensity and technique depending on their needs. “We’ve worked with athletes, those suffering from chronic pain and fibromyalgia, people with cancer, elderly folks and those that just need to relax and rejuvenate,” she says.
Bell has at least five days of scheduled massages a week, “so it’s a big part of my life,” she says. “But it also allows me to have a flexible schedule, so I have time to train for triathlons and to do yoga and just have downtime.” Not to worry, she also receives massages with other therapists whom she trades services with. “I end up getting a massage about once a week, which helps keep me feeling good, centered and balanced.”
She’s been practicing massage therapy for more than seven years and runs the business out of her home with her husband, who’s also a massage therapist. They have two treatment spaces so they can do two separate sessions simultaneously. Looking to the future, Bell’s wish is to see Celestial Massage and her clientele grow, “which will allow us to keep our prices low and offer excellent service to our clients.”
Her services include a 60 minute massage for $55, 90 minutes for $75, LaStone therapy for $75, Ear candling for $40 and also pet massage which prices vary depending on travel time and length of the session. Types of massages and services offered are Swedish, Deep Tissue, Sports, Neuromuscular Therapy, Reiki/Healing Touch, Applied Kinesiology, Aromatherapy, and Myofascial Release. Massage by appointment only, Celestial Massage, (303)-477-2780, celestialmassage.com.
Friends are Your Family, Too
A couple weeks ago a few of my friends and I gathered around my TV to watch home movies that I recorded on some of our camping trips from last summer. After the laughter ended and we said our good-byes, I stumbled upon a few videos that I had recorded from when I first moved to Colorado four years ago. On the videos I saw some of my old friends that I no longer have contact with. At that time, they were very important people in my life. Since I had no family out here, my friends became my surrogate family. I videotaped Thanksgiving dinner, Christmas and other random activities that we found amusing enough to film.
Watching the videos sparked memories and feelings that I had completely forgotten about. After discussing my video treasure with my friend Jill, she asked, "Isn't it weird to think that those people played an important role in your life at that time, and now you don't even know where they are?" This question has plagued my mind ever since.
We have friends that fulfill certain needs at specific moments in our life. "Friends are the family you make", so there's no absolute commitment to them. Some people come into our life to teach us something, and I believe that once we are done learning from them, we move on and someone new enters our world.
I am saddened at times thinking about the people in my life whom I considered to be a huge influence on me at some point in my life and realizing that we will (most likely) never speak again. But even through the bad times that I’ve experienced with some of my friends, I still emerge learning a valuable lesson from them. After a while, I tend to forget about the bad and only remember the good, because that's what friendship is all about--having some laughs, sharing some great stories and making memories, regardless of how long you remain in each other’s lives.
Transition
I’ve heard the term “Quarterlife Crisis” before, and I even own a book by that title, but I feel like I am finally experiencing it. It’s not something that I’ve looked forward to, or even thought possible, but welcome to my world.
I’m not the typical college about-to-be graduate. I’m 26 and finally getting my Bachelor’s degree in May. I took a break from school after my sophomore year and decided to move to Colorado from Wisconsin. In the last four years I’ve worked a full time job, skied more runs than some people do in a lifetime, met some fabulous people and am now finishing college. But with everything that I’ve experienced in this state, nothing makes me more nervous than graduating. I’ve been a student for so many years that the thought of not enrolling in classes in the fall makes me a little anxious. Questions fill my head, “Did I just experience my last spring break? Will I get a job when I graduate? What will I do this summer without an internship?” I haven’t lived the stereotypical college life that includes living in the dorms for at least a year (I only lasted one semester), spring break where my four closest girlfriends and I pack a tiny car with enough luggage to last us a month and head to Florida for the week. I have only been to a few Frat parties and I will regret for the rest of my life not studying abroad for a semester.
But I do have life experience that some of my fellow graduates may not have. I now understand what I’m capable of, what I will not tolerate and what is worth worrying about. I’ve made a life for myself in a state where I didn’t know anybody except the boyfriend I moved out here with. Nothing was more intimidating than my first night in Colorado, standing on my porch overlooking the city and realizing that only one person in the whole city knows my name. I witnessed my mom battle breast cancer and win. I stood by a few friends that I’ve known since elementary school while they got married. I made toasts at their weddings and now I’m standing by one of them again while she struggles with divorce. I’ve corresponded with another friend who is living in Morocco for the Peace Corps and I’ve watched a few of my friends with their newborn children. I’ve also had some great travels for a college student.
Even with all the uncertainty that comes with graduating school, sending out resumes in hopes that someone will hire me, and waiting to discover my next big adventure, I can rest easy with the experiences I’ve had in my life so far. I may not know what I’m doing in four months, but I feel great about where I’ve been in the last four years. If my past is any indication of how I will handle my future, I know that everything will be fine.
Minimizing
My apartment porch faces the parking lot and while I was hanging out there last night, a Mini Cooper pulls up. A girl gets out of her mini car with her mini dog and it got me thinking about how un-mini our lives are as Americans.
I live in a "big" state....big city, big cars, big scenery, big adventure and big choices. I also live in a country where most of the people living here have a problem with big consumption.
When I saw this car pull into the lot I thought, "What purpose is there for a Mini in Colorado? She can't take it into the mountains, she can't move very much in that car and she certainly can't fit any sporting equipment in the back."
In a land where SUVs, big flat-screen TV's, big homes, big vacations and big credit card bills rule, my mindset is stuck on how much space and material things I can consume. I don't do this consciously, but I still do it. I'm a college student and I don't work so I can concentrate on my homework and internship, so spending large quantities of money on clothes, drinks, accessories, plane tickets, food and fun with friends is absolutely ridiculous, but it still happens.
I also read an article in "People" magazine last night about this woman who gave up all un-necessary consumption for one year. She gave up going out to eat with friends, buying mascara, new socks and even certain items at the grocery store. No new clothes, no gym membership, no new books and no trips to the movies. She did keep olives on the "must have" list--maybe for those emergency martinis she'd need after she realized the insane journey she just embarked on. But after reading the horror list of the things she gave up, she described how much money she saved, how she and her husband didn't argue once about money and how they came to appreciate the "simple things in life".
Then I began to think of all the un-necessary things I have in my life. I don't want to consider myself as someone that is constantly on the track of "what else can I buy?" but I am. I pull out the ads from the Sunday paper and look at all the things I could potentially buy but don't need.
I'm not sure I'll ever go on a year hiatus from buying mascara, but it has made me realize the power of not buying on impulse. There are things that will keep my attention if I don't buy that new DVD or new shirt. After all, I live in a state with big scenery and all I have to do to enjoy it is walk out my door which doesn't cost a thing.
The Good Ol' Days (?)
When I hear a song on the radio, it may evoke certain memories...good, bad, romantic or downright emotional where I get extremely angry or sad (three years later, I still cannot listen to Fleetwood Mac's "Say You Will" after I listened to it repeatedly during the summer my boyfriend and I had a horrendous break-up). But for the most part, I love listening to music that brings back any memory. I enjoy being transformed to a time in my life that I may not normally think of on a daily basis.
The joy of spending so much time in my car is that I get to listen to a lot of music. I have two large books of CDs plus random CD cases strewn about my car from random trips to Best Buy or Second Spin. The trouble with having the extensive variety of music in my car is that I tend to forget about what I own.
So today when I got to my car after my morning class, I decided it was time to change out the discs in my visor. I stumbled upon an old CD that I bought in high school and was instantly taken back to when I was 16, lying on my bed contemplating life. "Automatic for the People" by REM used to be my listening obsession. Of course, my depressive taste in music only fed my depressive state of mind in high school.
Listening to this CD on the way home from school today, I immediately remembered the clothes I used to wear, my crusty pair of Birkenstocks that never left my feet, and the places I used to drive to on Friday nights with my friend Kate. I remember the feelings I had about certain issues that were important in my life when I had no "real world" problems to worry about, days at my job in a hospital kitchen and the food fights that would ensue when our supervisors weren't looking. I would to listen to this CD while driving the 70 short miles to my friend Emily's house to de-stress over the weekend, and I would listen to this CD with my friend Becky when we were making plans to move to New York City the minute we graduated high school.
Anyone who knows me well, knows that I have the tendancy to push "replay" on any new CD I get. I do this with all my CDs. The minute I open them and put them in my CD player, I have it on repeat for atleast two weeks. If the CD is so wonderful and I haven't gotten sick of it, then it stays in rotation for about three months until I find new music to obsess over. Some of my friends don't understand this weird quirk. Some of them tell me that if I wouldn't keep the same CD on repeat for a month, I wouldn't want to chuck it out the window when I've had my fill. But here's my rationalization; many of us take pictures to remember certain moments in our lives, while others keep a journal (or a blog), but I keep my memories stored in my CDs.
There are times when I put in a CD from my past just to remember how far I've come over the last 10 years of my life. My music has been a constant while the world around me has changed. I have CDs to remember my angry days in high school, my first serious boyfriend, my college days in Milwaukee-living in a house with 12 other people, my two-day moving excursion from Wisconsin to Colorado through a blizzard that shut down the highways. I have CDs to remember the break-up with my first serious boyfriend, the transition in my life from being completely devastated to finding new friends and new joys to think about. I have CDs to remember moving into my own apartment (FINALLY!) and I will have a special new CD to obsess over when I finally graduate college. There will be road trips, exotic vacations, weddings, new relationships and new jobs in my future and for those memories, I can assure you there will be room for more CDs in my car visor.
