shabalife

Transition

I’ve heard the term “Quarterlife Crisis” before, and I even own a book by that title, but I feel like I am finally experiencing it. It’s not something that I’ve looked forward to, or even thought possible, but welcome to my world.
I’m not the typical college about-to-be graduate. I’m 26 and finally getting my Bachelor’s degree in May. I took a break from school after my sophomore year and decided to move to Colorado from Wisconsin. In the last four years I’ve worked a full time job, skied more runs than some people do in a lifetime, met some fabulous people and am now finishing college. But with everything that I’ve experienced in this state, nothing makes me more nervous than graduating. I’ve been a student for so many years that the thought of not enrolling in classes in the fall makes me a little anxious. Questions fill my head, “Did I just experience my last spring break? Will I get a job when I graduate? What will I do this summer without an internship?” I haven’t lived the stereotypical college life that includes living in the dorms for at least a year (I only lasted one semester), spring break where my four closest girlfriends and I pack a tiny car with enough luggage to last us a month and head to Florida for the week. I have only been to a few Frat parties and I will regret for the rest of my life not studying abroad for a semester.
But I do have life experience that some of my fellow graduates may not have. I now understand what I’m capable of, what I will not tolerate and what is worth worrying about. I’ve made a life for myself in a state where I didn’t know anybody except the boyfriend I moved out here with. Nothing was more intimidating than my first night in Colorado, standing on my porch overlooking the city and realizing that only one person in the whole city knows my name. I witnessed my mom battle breast cancer and win. I stood by a few friends that I’ve known since elementary school while they got married. I made toasts at their weddings and now I’m standing by one of them again while she struggles with divorce. I’ve corresponded with another friend who is living in Morocco for the Peace Corps and I’ve watched a few of my friends with their newborn children. I’ve also had some great travels for a college student.
Even with all the uncertainty that comes with graduating school, sending out resumes in hopes that someone will hire me, and waiting to discover my next big adventure, I can rest easy with the experiences I’ve had in my life so far. I may not know what I’m doing in four months, but I feel great about where I’ve been in the last four years. If my past is any indication of how I will handle my future, I know that everything will be fine.

posted by erin @ 6:39 PM

Minimizing

My apartment porch faces the parking lot and while I was hanging out there last night, a Mini Cooper pulls up. A girl gets out of her mini car with her mini dog and it got me thinking about how un-mini our lives are as Americans.

I live in a "big" state....big city, big cars, big scenery, big adventure and big choices. I also live in a country where most of the people living here have a problem with big consumption.

When I saw this car pull into the lot I thought, "What purpose is there for a Mini in Colorado? She can't take it into the mountains, she can't move very much in that car and she certainly can't fit any sporting equipment in the back."

In a land where SUVs, big flat-screen TV's, big homes, big vacations and big credit card bills rule, my mindset is stuck on how much space and material things I can consume. I don't do this consciously, but I still do it. I'm a college student and I don't work so I can concentrate on my homework and internship, so spending large quantities of money on clothes, drinks, accessories, plane tickets, food and fun with friends is absolutely ridiculous, but it still happens.

I also read an article in "People" magazine last night about this woman who gave up all un-necessary consumption for one year. She gave up going out to eat with friends, buying mascara, new socks and even certain items at the grocery store. No new clothes, no gym membership, no new books and no trips to the movies. She did keep olives on the "must have" list--maybe for those emergency martinis she'd need after she realized the insane journey she just embarked on. But after reading the horror list of the things she gave up, she described how much money she saved, how she and her husband didn't argue once about money and how they came to appreciate the "simple things in life".

Then I began to think of all the un-necessary things I have in my life. I don't want to consider myself as someone that is constantly on the track of "what else can I buy?" but I am. I pull out the ads from the Sunday paper and look at all the things I could potentially buy but don't need.

I'm not sure I'll ever go on a year hiatus from buying mascara, but it has made me realize the power of not buying on impulse. There are things that will keep my attention if I don't buy that new DVD or new shirt. After all, I live in a state with big scenery and all I have to do to enjoy it is walk out my door which doesn't cost a thing.

posted by erin @ 7:41 PM

The Good Ol' Days (?)

When I hear a song on the radio, it may evoke certain memories...good, bad, romantic or downright emotional where I get extremely angry or sad (three years later, I still cannot listen to Fleetwood Mac's "Say You Will" after I listened to it repeatedly during the summer my boyfriend and I had a horrendous break-up). But for the most part, I love listening to music that brings back any memory. I enjoy being transformed to a time in my life that I may not normally think of on a daily basis.

The joy of spending so much time in my car is that I get to listen to a lot of music. I have two large books of CDs plus random CD cases strewn about my car from random trips to Best Buy or Second Spin. The trouble with having the extensive variety of music in my car is that I tend to forget about what I own.

So today when I got to my car after my morning class, I decided it was time to change out the discs in my visor. I stumbled upon an old CD that I bought in high school and was instantly taken back to when I was 16, lying on my bed contemplating life. "Automatic for the People" by REM used to be my listening obsession. Of course, my depressive taste in music only fed my depressive state of mind in high school.

Listening to this CD on the way home from school today, I immediately remembered the clothes I used to wear, my crusty pair of Birkenstocks that never left my feet, and the places I used to drive to on Friday nights with my friend Kate. I remember the feelings I had about certain issues that were important in my life when I had no "real world" problems to worry about, days at my job in a hospital kitchen and the food fights that would ensue when our supervisors weren't looking. I would to listen to this CD while driving the 70 short miles to my friend Emily's house to de-stress over the weekend, and I would listen to this CD with my friend Becky when we were making plans to move to New York City the minute we graduated high school.

Anyone who knows me well, knows that I have the tendancy to push "replay" on any new CD I get. I do this with all my CDs. The minute I open them and put them in my CD player, I have it on repeat for atleast two weeks. If the CD is so wonderful and I haven't gotten sick of it, then it stays in rotation for about three months until I find new music to obsess over. Some of my friends don't understand this weird quirk. Some of them tell me that if I wouldn't keep the same CD on repeat for a month, I wouldn't want to chuck it out the window when I've had my fill. But here's my rationalization; many of us take pictures to remember certain moments in our lives, while others keep a journal (or a blog), but I keep my memories stored in my CDs.

There are times when I put in a CD from my past just to remember how far I've come over the last 10 years of my life. My music has been a constant while the world around me has changed. I have CDs to remember my angry days in high school, my first serious boyfriend, my college days in Milwaukee-living in a house with 12 other people, my two-day moving excursion from Wisconsin to Colorado through a blizzard that shut down the highways. I have CDs to remember the break-up with my first serious boyfriend, the transition in my life from being completely devastated to finding new friends and new joys to think about. I have CDs to remember moving into my own apartment (FINALLY!) and I will have a special new CD to obsess over when I finally graduate college. There will be road trips, exotic vacations, weddings, new relationships and new jobs in my future and for those memories, I can assure you there will be room for more CDs in my car visor.

posted by erin @ 8:25 PM